


okay but why though

by aishiteArtemis



Series: i write aus until i run out of them [4]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: A Small Bit, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Confused Naegi Makoto, Dork Naegi Makoto, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Togami Byakuya, Lesbian Celestia Ludenberg, M/M, POV Togami Byakuya, Sad bois, Soft Togami Byakuya, Togami Byakuya is Bad at Feelings, Togami Byakuya-Centric, also byakuya: ew why did i do that tho, amazing plan, but he wants nothing to do with us :’), byakuya: cries, celestia is a legend, everyone is soft for makoto, except byakuya he can live, for makoto, he’s wholesome, i listened to mr loverman almost the whole time i was writing this, idk what the title is, make of that what you will, mind you the whole anime community p much worships ricky montgomery, mr loverman is naegami it very clearly is in this essay i will, naegi 24/7: ?????, not beta read we die like men, ok enough tags, please help them, rich people suck eat the rich, so you say fck you and just keep dating the people you were, tons of that, true wlw mlm solidarity is when ur heteronormative parents make you get married, we STAN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27816091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishiteArtemis/pseuds/aishiteArtemis
Summary: Being made to marry some random woman his father felt worthy was quite the rude interruption to Byakuya Togami’s two year long, obviously secret, relationship with Makoto.
Relationships: Celestia Ludenberg & Togami Byakuya, Kirigiri Kyoko/Celestia Ludenberg, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Series: i write aus until i run out of them [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952251
Comments: 9
Kudos: 141





	okay but why though

He was only eighteen, he had his whole life ahead of him. And that, Byakuya thought, was the problem, when one’s entire life had already been planned out by one’s father. Especially when the father in question was his.

From a young age, Byakuya had been aware that one day he would have to marry some woman, to continue on the Togami bloodline. However, he’d never really worried about it too much. It was inevitable, so he never gave it much thought. Until the issue was upon him, that was. Until the day his father called him to his study and told him he’d found a suitable wife.

Being made to marry someone was not pleasant at the best of times, but Byakuya took the blow far harder due to a... discovery he had made.

Turned out, Byakuya Togami was gay.

He did not mind being around women. He’d had several platonic relationships with them in the past. But he had never felt the attraction many of them spoke of, and had had to turn down several women in the past. Yes, he was, of course, aware he was attractive: he was perfect in every way after all, that was how he was made. It was just that he had never found any of the people he was supposed to be attracted to anything more than aesthetically pleasing. Sure, they were pretty, but he never wanted to do anything more than look at them. He had worried there was something wrong with him (unthinkable for him of all people).

And then... Makoto Naegi.

He found it strange that Makoto of all people would be the first person to ever... captivate him, was the only way to describe it. The boy was so very average-looking, and yet he couldn’t help but stare at him. Everything about him was so beautiful. His pale green eyes, looking curiously at his surroundings, brown hair sticking up all over the place, untidy - a quality Byakuya normally abhorred, but on the other boy it seemed merely adorable, and after all his hair looked impossibly soft despite the tangles. Oddly short and slim, yet elegant despite how clumsy he appeared to be, judging by how he had tripped the first time Byakuya laid eyes on him.

He didn’t think much of it at the time - he forced himself not to - and wrote it off as aesthetic attraction again, merely a short lapse of “damn he’s pretty”. Although it was somewhat unusual for him to think of a boy that way, he pushed it away. It was nothing.

Until... it wasn’t. Until Makoto had come up to him, made conversation (awkward given Byakuya’s nature, but he was trying). Until he stuck around with him, made an effort even though Byakuya tried to push him away. Until Byakuya’s heartbeat quickened when he smiled or talked about something he was passionate about. Until one day Makoto, fidgeting with his hands, a nervous habit of his, admitted he liked him as more than a friend, and kissed him, soft and sweet like nothing Byakuya could describe.

Until Byakuya liked it and he couldn’t deny his feelings any more.

He was in love with Makoto Naegi, ill-advisedly but hopelessly, and it seemed he was gay.

Being made to marry some random woman his father felt worthy was quite the rude interruption to his two year long, obviously secret, relationship with Makoto.

He’d met her once, the woman who was to be his wife. Celestia Ludenberg. Tall, dark-haired, good bone structure and a reputable family. New money, perhaps, but they had a lot of it and fit into the old money social circles like they had been there forever. Byakuya could see why his father had picked her. She was pretty, granted. Seemed intelligent, which was a small mercy - Byakuya couldn’t have stood marrying an airhead. (Although Makoto could be klutzy, he was still surprisingly clever, and his emotional intelligence was immeasurable. God, he was so smitten.) He thought they’d get on, maybe even forge a friendship in the bad situation. But not love. He didn’t think he could love anyone but Makoto, or at least not any woman.

The thoughts had swirled around in his mind for months, since the engagement had been announced, and tonight was no exception. In fact, it was worse, because it was his wedding night and Byakuya had never wanted to run away, run for the hills, more than he did now.

In an ideal world, he would be happy about this night. He’d be marrying Makoto, by his choice and he would be overjoyed, because he got to marry his love and put a ring on his finger and kiss him. But that world was not his, and instead, he’d do all that with Celestia, insincere and hating every moment.

They deserved better. Everyone did. Makoto deserved better than him, someone who was able to love him properly. Celestia deserved better, someone who would actually love her and not just tolerate her. He hated his father more than ever.

It was fine. It was just guilt, he’d lived with guilt for as long as he could remember. He’d just have to add it to his growing store of it.

...he needed to leave. To try and clear his mind. Byakuya sighed softly, and stood. No wallowing, he would distract himself. First distraction, navigating the tricky path down to the ground from his balcony.

He’d become quite adept at the task, having done it hundreds of times before, but still he worried he’d slip. Fortunately, Byakuya reached the ground without incident, and set off, going around the back of the house so he wouldn’t be seen.

At first, after he’d left the grounds of his over-large home, he wandered aimlessly, but soon his feet found a purpose, half of their own accord. He was going to Makoto’s house.

His guilt over Makoto still lingered, but paradoxically, he felt like it would be alleviated somewhat if he went there. Like he had so many times for these past few years.

Makoto could technically have moved out, he was old enough, but he hadn’t particularly wanted to, being so close to his family. Besides, he’d said, I don’t want to go away anywhere else, because I wouldn’t get to see you any more.

Ah, right, the guilt. It still stung.

Fortunately (or unfortunately - Byakuya wasn’t sure which), Makoto happened to be in the garden when he arrived. The adorable boy, still oddly small despite his age, gave him a cheerful wave. “Hey, Kuya!”

“Hello, Koto,” Byakuya replied, relaxing somewhat and smiling slightly. Makoto smiled back and leaned over the fence of the small garden, before taking Byakuya’s tie with a cheeky grin and pulling the taller boy toward him.

“So what brings you here?” he asked, face close to his. They both knew the answer though. It was just Makoto trying to make conversation, of course.

Byakuya stepped over the fence (benefits of long legs, after all) and sighed. “I don’t know what to think. It’s all too much, honestly.”

Makoto drew him into a hug. “I understand. It’s obviously very hard for you, and I really wish it wasn’t this way.” He mirrored Byakuya’s sigh. “Hey, it’ll be okay though. I don’t know if it helps but it will be.”

Makoto drew back from him, and before Byakuya could miss the contact, he put his hand on his face, and on tiptoe, gently pushed it up. “Keep your head up, Kuya.”

“I don’t understand how you’re okay with this.”

“I’m not... really. But I’m not going to leave you after all this time. Unless you want me too- what I’m trying to say is... I’m not mad. It’s not your fault anyway.”

Byakuya sighed once again. “I’m sorry.”

Makoto showed him a slightly forced smile. “Don’t be. I love you, and that’s all that matters.” After a moment of silence, he sat down on the grass and asked, “Do you want to talk? About what we’re going to do or something?”

“No. No,” he repeated, sitting down with him. He didn’t want to think, think about any of it, so he simply leaned over and kissed Makoto. The boy immediately kissed back, arms around his neck. No thoughts. Nothing but Makoto. He didn’t want anything but Makoto, his hair, his eyes, his lips, his smile. 

Something about the boy just made him feel like everything would be alright. He felt safe with him, which he didn’t often feel with anyone else, so he deepened the kiss and lost himself in the dizzying feeling. It was like having his wits taken away from him, but in a good way, more like relief. And Makoto always tasted so sweet and wonderful. He didn’t have to think.

After a while, they came apart to breathe, and Byakuya clarified his earlier statement. “We’ll work something out... after the wedding. I’ll think of something.”

Makoto smiled from where he knelt. “You will. You always do, Kuya.”

He let out a breath, slowly. “Y-Yeah. I love you so much, Koto. I don’t deserve you.”

“Of course you do! I’m nothing special. But I love you too.” Makoto smiled, then added under his breath, “more than I should.”

Byakuya felt like crying in that moment, which was a massively ridiculous idea to entertain, but he couldn’t quite express the feeling of uncertainty, of having to lose Makoto, the most wonderful person he’d ever met, and of having to perform this stupid charade. So before he knew it he already was crying, and he couldn’t shake off the sense of shame over that, no matter how much Makoto held him through the sobs, no matter how much he ran his hands through his hair, because he was _going away,_ and Byakuya didn’t think he could take that.

The shadows lengthened as the two fell apart at the bottom of the garden.

-

It was Byakuya’s wedding day.

His wedding day.

He felt like running again.

The option, however, was unthinkable, as his father was standing watchfully in the corner of the room as he got ready. Ominous, like a prison warden. His cutting stare stopping him from even considering the idea of bolting. 

So this was it, then. He’d have to marry Celestia.

On the upside, his suit was nice. He’d actually been allowed to pick it out himself, which surprised him. His father was a micromanager, trying to control every aspect of his life, so at least he’d got to choose this. Byakuya took a deep breath in and headed out to the car that would take him to the church.

There was no joy in this, unlike the daydream he’d entertained of marrying Makoto (on his more fanciful days). More like a prisoner being led to his execution than anything. But Byakuya kept a straight face.

Celestia was pretty in her dress, he thought. He could see how others might find her attractive. The white suited her, and although she didn’t seem particularly happy about the situation, she looked like she shared Byakuya’s appreciation of her clothing. Before he had even had time to think about it too much, she had reached the altar and faced him, her face entirely unreadable.

Byakuya played a game as the ceremony proceeded, in order to cope with it. Childish, he knew, but he allowed himself this for now. He pretended Celestia was Makoto. Him glancing upwards to his eyes, the love clear in them, as Byakuya put the ring on his finger. Him smiling in front of him as he made the vows. Him there with him, and not at the back of the church where he’d been put because Byakuya’s father was so very stuck up that he would barely even let Byakuya invite a mere commoner to his wedding.

Well then, it was time for the hard part. The part where he had to kiss Celestia. The two made eye contact, resigned, and Byakuya gave her a chaste kiss. It felt like cheating. Even though he had no choice, even though he and Makoto had discussed the necessity and even though Makoto had said it was fine with him. He couldn’t look up, couldn’t see the pain on his face, because the boy, bless his soul, told lies. It wasn’t fine with him, not at all, it would hurt him to the bone, but of course he wouldn’t say so.

Soon enough, though, the ordeal of a wedding was over, and they were released to go to the reception. Of course, Byakuya was obligated to dance with Miss Ludenberg (Mrs Togami, he supposed, but he would not make himself say that, not in the safety of his own mind), who was a good dance partner, fortunately, but they soon broke apart and he was somewhat free for a while. 

The first person he wanted to talk to was, of course, Makoto, but he was surrounded by fake people giving him fake congratulations on his new wife. Like she was an object. Which she was not, nor was she mindless. She’d almost beaten him in a game of chess, and that was something no one had done since he was a child.

Eventually, he broke through and found the small boy in a corner, seemingly staring into space. His eyes focused as he saw Byakuya, and he offered a small wave. “Hi.”

He had to admit, if Makoto looked good in his usual casual attire, he looked easily twice as good in a suit and tie, and he could easily pretend it was him he’d just married, rather than Celestia. Makoto seemed... distant though. Understandable, but Byakuya still felt bad. “Hello.”

“I’m surprised they let me in,” Makoto said, with lowered voice so no one would hear the conversation. “I don’t look very smart, huh?”

“I’d beg to differ, you look great.”

Makoto blushed. “Ah, thank you. You do as well.”

He nodded. “I’m sorry about this. You deserve better and I’ll understand if you’re angry.”

Makoto shook his head sadly, and, after checking nobody was looking at them, took Byakuya’s hand, giving it a little squeeze. “I’m not mad. Well, I am, but not at you, Ku- Togami. At your dad and the world and things. This whole thing is stupid.”

“Yes,” Byakuya agreed. “You know, you didn’t have to come. I didn’t want to put you through that.”

“I wanted to,” Makoto said. “Gotta be here for moral support,” he added, with a bitter chuckle. He paused for several moments, then said, “Listen, is it silly I’m pretending to myself like it’s our wedding?”

“If it is, I’m guilty of the same thing.”

“So... you would’ve married me at some point if you’d got the chance?”

“I would’ve married you any time, anywhere if you’d agreed, Ko- Naegi. You’re too good to let go of.” That was why he hated this so much.

Makoto seemed to stall, blushing furiously, and it was so adorable Byakuya just wanted to kiss him, but he couldn’t, and it infuriated him so much.

“Hey, uh, your dad’s giving me a weird look,” Makoto said awkwardly once his face was back to a normal colour. “I’ll... see you later.”

“Yes, see you,” Byakuya said, his voice sounding distant. Makoto nodded and walked some way off to talk to someone.

Byakuya looked at him, really looked, and found himself envying Makoto. Which was a stupid thought, really: envying Makoto Naegi, the commoner? Makoto Naegi, who was so ordinary, so average that it hurt? And yet he was also Makoto Naegi whose family hadn’t minded the fact he liked boys in the slightest, whose parents had simply asked him if there was anyone he liked and what he wanted for dinner. Makoto Naegi, who was so ordinary it was extraordinary, whose smile could light up the world, who was so wonderful and all too good for Byakuya. 

His wistful staring was interrupted by the appearance of his wife (wife. It was still so unreal). Celestia turned her head in Byakuya’s direction, elegant as ever, and stood at his side. “So you like him then?”

The blunt, matter of fact statement immediately had Byakuya on high alert. “What?” he said abruptly.

“The short guy with the weird hair.” Celestia said. Byakuya had the urge to defend Makoto’s honour (and... interesting hairstyle), but he couldn’t risk outing himself so remained silent. But, much to his surprise, Celestia pointed with a dainty fingers towards the lilac-haired girl who seemed to be conversing with his boyfriend.

“Don’t worry,” she assured him. “I’m the same with Kyoko. I do wish our families were not so insistent on antiquated customs, but here we are.” Celestia sighed. “So, you do like him, then?”

“Yes,” Byakuya confirmed, letting out a breath. “Quite obviously, I could not tell anyone.”

“I understand,” Celestia nodded, in a manner that suggested she actually did. Silence fell between the two for several moments, each lost in thoughts of their beloved, before Celestia spoke again.

“You know, our marriage is a business agreement, in essence.”

“Of course.” he replied, wondering why she had chosen to bring that rather painful topic up.

“What do you say we perhaps... add another clause,” Celestia said calmly, although the veiled devious look on her face gave Byakuya pause, and more than a little hope. “We seem to have a mutual issue. So, perhaps we keep up the pretense of our marriage...”

For the first time in a while, Byakuya found himself smiling because of someone other than Makoto. “Only we often invite over two ‘close friends’... I like it.”

Celestia nodded regally, a small smile tracing her face, and he felt grateful for the small mercy that of all the women he could’ve been made to marry, he’d managed to snag someone likeminded.

Byakuya offered his hand. “Shake on it, then?”

“Indeed,” she replied, and they shook hands. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, my dear husband, I must go and... converse with my friend Kyoko.”

This, he admitted to himself as he nodded to Celestia, was nowhere near as bad as he thought it would’ve been. It felt more like a magnificent game than a lifelong ordeal to him now, and he had to thank Celestia for that.

Sure, there would be issues. The small matter of an heir being expected from them (the thought made him want to be sick, but he pushed it aside for the time being), the worries of the rebuke if anyone were to find out about what they were doing. But he would get to keep Makoto, wouldn’t have to give him up for the sham of a marriage, and he found himself smiling, because with Makoto he felt like he could do anything.

They were only eighteen, after all. They had their whole lives ahead of them, and seeing Celestia quietly take Kyoko’s hand and lead her out of the room, he had much more hope for that life.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in three hours while listening to mr loverman then i cried  
> lol leave a comment pls if you liked this mess


End file.
